The True Confessions of the Clockwork Princess
by Lalaland972
Summary: "There was a time when I despised the lies, the legend, the "happy" ending story written for us… but now I find it of great use." Despite how the legend has been spread with the ending of Tessa marrying Will and later reuniting with Jem, it was a fabricated lie. Tessa disappeared from the lives of her family at the London Institute shortly after her engagement to Jem...
1. Prologue

**AU. Leaves off of Clockwork Prince and jumps into an alternate reality that still has some details of the final book but mostly goes in another direction.**

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**Prologue **

There was a time when I despised the lies, the legend, the_ happy_ ending story written for us… but now I find it of great use.

It did not end like most believed. That I, Theresa Gray, brought down Mortmain and his army of infernal devices with my friends, family and the men I loved by my side. That they witnessed the glory of my change into a blazing angel from heaven for a mere mortal 30 seconds. I give credit that they were accurate in the nature that I burned Mortmain to a puddle of blood mixed with crushed bones and therefor his army fell. But…the shadow hunters, the silent brothers, Will and Jem were not there. They were not even close to us in the final moments Mortmain inhaled his last breath as I brought him down with my burning touch. Instead, those I cherished most were safe in the Institute. Jem was alive and not a silent brother yet. Everything was a lie in the tale involving Tessa Gray following the timeline of myself getting engaged to Jem. From there, the paths of reality and fantasy diverged. I live in reality. Most of the downworlders and shadow hunters live in a pretty little lie that was wrapped neatly in a bow and presented by Charlotte Branwell.

Maybe I should begin there. Following my engagement to James "Jem" Carstairs. Looking back, at that time it was the happiest day of my life. Not too soon after, William "Will" Herondale confessed his love to me.

That day...my fate was decided.

Will had just left my room and in a daze of pain and bewilderment, I found myself subconsciously drawn to grab the poker by the fire place. Without a second thought, I thrust it in the roaring flames of the fire before letting it rest it in my left hand. The iron tip of the poker seared into my skin. Although I did not have runes carved into my body like the nephilim, I felt as if I was making my own mark on my body. To carve out the pain of my heart. And instead of screaming to call attention to Sophie to rush to my aide, I dealt with the excruciating pain in the silence. As if it was retribution for the pain I had caused _and_ was about to inflict on those I loved. I released the poker rod after the third-degree burn was accomplished. The ruined flesh left remaining in absence of the poker marked the palm of my hand. It was a small external wound that could not mirror the devastation felt in my heart. I was startled out of my bereavement in a flash with a knock on my door.

"Miss? Can I be of any service Miss before I turn in for the night," Sophie asked quietly outside of my bedroom door. The compassion in Sophie's soft spoken voice only lead me to assume she witnessed Will's departure from my room. She must have observed that same look of despair on his face that had strangled my own heart when he left.

"I am set. Thank you, Sophie. I am going to turn in for the night as well. I will see you in the morning. Good night."

Sophie replied with a muffled, "Goodnight, Miss" before I heard her footsteps grow more distant on the other side of the door.

It was time to act. Sophie's interruption in my weak moment of self-pity stirred me to confront the reality I was left with. Two men, no, two best friends- _parabatai - _had chosen to give their hearts to the same person. I could not accept one without throwing it into the face of the other. I loved them both dearly, each in their own way, but I could_ never_ let myself come between their relationship. Their bond as _parabatai_ transcended anything I could fathom.

They shared a soul.

Due to my unknown nature at that time, I questioned if I even had soul. Or if I was even worthy to be loved by a shadow hunter, let alone two of them. My only option left was to leave the Institute, my new home. To leave the mess I had made to be picked up by those I loved. I promised myself they would fare better off without me.

An immortal with unknown origins such as myself was not meant to love such _pure_ mortal men.

_Okay, okay I will stop. I know you are getting sleepy, little one. Mommy will continue the story tomorrow night. Good night, my little Angel._

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**Revised 7/27/20.**


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_Now, were did we leave off? Ah yes, I recall now. I was about to depart from the Institute. _

I made my decision. I had to leave it all behind. I was not sure if time was on my side, but the earlier I left the more distance I could put between myself and the Institute before someone began to question my absence at breakfast in the morning. My only conundrum was if I should make time to write letters to both Jem and Will explaining my actions. In my heart, I knew it would not have mattered if I told them the truth. They would still come looking for me and beg for me to return. One of them would pretend to give me up for the other but a love triangle we would still be stuck in the midst of. There was no time to waste. I knew what must be done.

I sifted through the books in my room and grabbed my least favorite. The last page in the book, thankfully blank, I ripped out and began to scroll on.

_This is not the life I want. Violence and chaos in my life will become normal to me if I continue to remain at the Institute. Jessie had it right. I have come to her way of thinking. I have been in touch with someone who is going to provide me shelter and safety from Mortmain. This battle is for the shadow hunters, my role will be to not be caught by him again. Thank you all for what you have done for me in our time together, but I must move on and embrace the simple life I want that does not include being part of the Nephilim world. Jem, I am sorry to break our engagement in this formal way and without privacy, but time is not on my side to be shielded from Mortmain. I am sure you may have considered coming away with me if I asked, but I wish you to remain with your family and parabatai. I wish you __all__ the best and happiness._

_Tessa Gray _

The true irony of the letter was not to soon after I was captured by Mortmain. Although, how it happened is different than the story most know.

I was able to dress in men's clothes for my departing outfit. I luckily found a spare outfit in Jessamine's room that looked nearly identical to the one I met my brother in. Oh, Nate… that blasted fool. My dresses were just too much to pack to be able to travel lightly, so I left the few I owned behind. Additionally, I made the smart choice to pilfer an eight-inch blade from a practice room. I was fortunate in my timing that the area was empty, and I was able to enter undetected. I narrowly missed being caught in there. If I had spent another minute deciding between a 6-inch or 8-inch blade, Jem and I would have crossed paths. I could smell him- no, maybe it was the I felt his presence drawing near as I made my exit. Sensing him nearby was almost enough to make me reconsider my decision to vanish in the middle of the night. But I had to be strong. I understood what I was about to do was a far better decision than buckling to the urge to see Jem again. Choosing not to run towards him helped me keep my focus. I had to remind myself he would be okay. Will would be okay. Everyone would be okay. They would get over me leaving soon enough as if I never entered their lives at all.

All I left with in the middle of the night was the clothes on my back, a knife, and a force of determination to survive and leave those I loved in peace. It was hard to part with, but I made sure to leave the jade pendent Jem had given me to seal the promise of our intended marriage, on top of my goodbye letter. My strength depended on having no physical evidence, aside from my fresh burned scar, to remember him or Will by. I needed to harden my heart in order to carry on in the new life I was setting myself a path on that day.

The immediate journey after I left was abled by sheer dumb luck. Until I was captured. But up until then, luck.

I roamed the streets of London that evening utterly loss. Of course, I never thought I would need to be aware of my surroundings when normally led by Jem or Will when out and about. I had become so dependent on them, that it was making my new found independence seem futile. If I couldn't get out of London, how could I hide from them? And Mortmain too, of course.

Two hours had past wondering the roads and I was exhausted. My legs and arms felt heavy, my thoughts were beginning to get cloudy, and my eyes were constantly trying to shut and remain that way. I knew my body was reminding me my bedtime was already past. I felt so weak in the fact I wanted to give in to letting my mind and body rest. However, my determination to be separated from the Institute drove my feet to move forward one after another. Important questions that whirled in my head were a key driver as well to keep me up and alert. Where would I go? How would I find shelter? I mentioned it my letter but never thought in the moment where I would sleep at some point. I knew my family would wonder who as well I even knew to take up residence with.

While constantly asking myself these questions with no answer, my attention was caught out of the corner of my eye as I spotted a mundane outside of a pub, piss drunk. His friend was reiterating he was too pissed to make it the 100 feet to his hotel room for the night. The drunk man garbled incoherently, waved off his friend and wobbled with each step to the next street. As he walked, he began to slump over, farther and farther. Alas my opportunity arose as soon as his butt hit the pavement and his eyes were sealed shut. He was out cold from inebriation.

The opportunity in front of me worked to my advantage since his friend already turned a corner when walking the opposite direction. I knelt down to pluck a hair from his balding scalp and willed my transformation to become this portly 40-year old man with a ridiculous, bushy mustache. As my body shifted, I felt my belly swell to become more rotund to the shape of the man's body I was to take. My eye level shrank down a good 4 inches and my thick, hairy arms were the next thing I noticed. I made myself stop being fixated on my new aesthetic and reached into my savior's coat pocket where I saw him pat his hotel key earlier when he assured his friend he would make it back to his room okay. I justified my actions in that if he wasn't going to use his bed, someone should. To be kind, I dragged his body to be supported by a wall of the building he passed out next too. I said thank you and wished him a good sleep as I walked to the hotel he was heading toward. I was able to find the accommodations thanks to the room number being labeled on the key.

In the room, I didn't mind the musty smell I was inhaling or the shabby surroundings because I was high on the fact I found my source of survival- myself. I did not have to rush a million miles away in one night to start my new life alone. I could hide in plain sight as someone else from Mortmain, my family, and my ill-fated lovers and make my way out of London on decent sleep.

_It was those times that made me strong. Don't cry, my child. It worked out best for Mommy and she became the strong woman you know today. Let's pick this up tomorrow night. Good night, my little Angel._


	3. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: I intend to make this story 8 chapters long with an epilogue._

_To SkyBell1272: I started writing this story because I wanted to see another ending to a story I loved and characters I treasured. Even if you are my only reviewer, I feel honored to have you on this story's journey. I feel elated when I read your comments. It is nice to have someone to share this story with by reading your feedback. __ Best, Lalaland972_

**Chapter 2 **

Of course, I dreamt of them during the night. Silver eyes pleading for me not to go. Fiery steel blue eyes seething with rage that I left. They didn't say a word though. Their looks conveyed it all. Disappointment, betrayal, fury and angst. I deserved it for what I had done. I wanted to cry out to them that they would be better off without me, but my vocal cords constricted so tightly under the emotional stress that I could not utter a single word. I turned around and ran into the darkness. To my surprise, they didn't follow me. That was of course what I wanted, but there was still a sense of sadness that enveloped my heart as I continued to glide away in the darkness.

I woke up from that dream in a cold sweat. Something was not right. It wasn't the melancholy dream I recalled though, footsteps were near the door of the room I borrowed for the night. "I told yah, I lost my blasted keys somewhere last night when heading home from the pub," a rough voice grunted just outside of the door. Jingling keys alerted me that someone was about to enter the room and find me in it as Tessa.

I quickly took in my appearance in the mirror on the wall across from me. I saw brown tangled thick hair, slightly wet from sweating in my sleep, that had replaced the balding head I sported when I hit the sheets some hours ago. The clothes on my body once form fitting, now fit loosely. I should have been vexed that my change from the previous night had stretched out my only pair of clothing at that moment, but it was partly a relief to wear something that didn't cling to the few curves I had on my slender body. But I was a fool to even focus on that in the few precious seconds I had before the door was opened.

I darted to the window that was already partially open and I slotted up the glass pane and leaped through it. My knees absorbed the impact as I hit the hard ground beneath the window. I sighed with relief the man had a room on the first floor of the hotel. My head quickly ducked under the window view when I heard the door creaking. I assumed it was finally opened since the voices were no longer muffled. The man yelled at the staff member who let him in, exclaiming it looked like they had not cleaned the room up since the previous person stayed in it. I chuckled and felt relieved he didn't come to the conclusion someone had slept in his room last night.

I duckwalked forward a few more paces forward to ensure when I stood up, I was not in that ensuing conversation's line of view. In the daylight, London seemed less intimating to stroll down. My outlook on my journey had become more positive then the night before. I believed I could do it. I needed to make a plan though. While gathering my thoughts of what came most important to do first, I caught a shimmer of silver light reflected in a shop front window. My heart stopped. I wondered if it was Jem. If he already knew I was gone, and came rushing to bring me back. Alas, it was not. A trick of lighting reflected a white sign across the shop's window and my eye's saw what they wanted to believe.

I shook my head and mentally called attention to my brain to pull it together. What if it had been Jem? He would have seen me as Tessa. I needed a disguise. Luckily, I had plenty of options around me that morning. The trick was needing to find someone inconspicuous enough to not draw attention to myself, and to make sure they were not going to be where I was. Doubles would be an automatic giveaway to my identity to those that were aware of my ability. And I just knew that the list of things I needed to be aware of for my changing identity were going to grow. I was still fairly new at shape shifting and didn't have the long list of do's and do not's I have established at this point in my life. I was young and a beginner then. My list had to start somewhere though, and it has grown thanks to my mistakes.

Time, of course, was something I could not afford to waste. My change had to be fast. I could not predict how those I loved would react when they found my letter. It was better to be prepared already in another form if I saw them, then trying to do it when they were close by. That kind of pressure I knew would cause some error in my ability to transform into someone else all the way.

Losing myself in thought and my every step forward I knew was getting me nowhere at that time. I had to find a mark and do it fast. I based that on the fact I presumed that breakfast time at the Institute would soon be past and my letter discovered. My mind had barely wrapped around that notion when I found my mark.

He was a boy no older than 12 attempting to sell roses to the foot traffic that morning in London. A man, his superior I supposed, berated the boy for having dead flowers for sale in his basket. From my own visual overlook, this thin and overbearing man was exaggerating. The boy had only 2 wilting roses amongst a dozen or so of healthy-looking red roses. To my horror, the man had dumped out all the roses on the ground and informed the boy that every last one of those roses was coming out of his pay. The pig had the audacity to slap the boy and then grab his hand and yank him toward a shifty alley way. If I had been a better person, I would have stood up for him. But I felt I had no ground to stand on to protect that young boy from that abuse in the moment. I promised myself I would make it up to him, Jericho as he was called.

I assumed that was not an out of the ordinary occurrence because the hussle and bussle of London did not stop to pity a boy being put down for no reason in public. I used the opportunity of nobody paying attention to swiftly walk by the limp roses on the street and pick one up for myself. I drifted to a different alley way then the one I saw Jericho pulled into. I said a silent prayer in my heart for the boy's safety, so I could recue him later and forgiveness for taking his identity.

With the rose, I felt the change come on swiftly and with great sadness. My body shrunk to mimic Jericho's 12-year-old fragile body. The fragility of it made me think of Jem for a split second and wonder if he felt this delicate too in his normal state. I shook my head to snap myself out of going down that path. With the shaking of my head, I noticed the honey blonde hair that fell over my eyes just slightly. My shorter, floppy hair curled at the back of my neck and I wondered if it curled as much there as I could see it curling over my eyes. And my- no Jericho's eyes, I wondered if they held the same pools of emerald green sadness on my face that I noticed in his eyes when his roses hit the pavement of the street.

Not the time Tess, I chided to myself. I looked down at my clothes. They would not do. Too big and they vastly contrasted to Jericho's apparel before that it would have been hard to explain to someone that witnessed the prior event's in the London streets. At that time, I wished my shape shifting ability could tailor clothes as well to my new body form. That would have made it too easy for me, I guess. I knew what I would be acquiring down the road in that moment though, a travel sewing kit to perform passible tailoring of outfits in such likely events of ill fitting clothes.

My only option in that instant was not a proud moment for me. I was left out of options in order to keep up my disguise though. At least, that as how I justified a lot of things in those early times – being out of options. I recalled the store front that tricked my eyes into believing Jem had come for me so soon. It was a clothing shop. While as a woman, it could have been more difficult as the customary attire of dresses during that time period took time to make. But as a young boy, clothes were available off the shelf I noticed in the window store front. I slipped in the shop as stealthily as I slipped out. Being relatively short was an extreme advantage since the shop owner was too busy with customers to keep a sharp eye on me as I "perused" the store. Looking back, it was not the brightest of me to steal clothes that I would be wearing not too far from the store. However, I was determined to keep up the façade of being Jericho's by selling roses while I gathered my bearings as to where I would go next. Getting familiar enough with London was my plan, so I could learn how to leave and what was nearby. Constantly changing my appearance and needing to acquire the right clothes, I anticipated, was going to get old rather quickly. I wanted to get somewhere soon enough where I could be in my own skin most of the time.

I gathered up the roses where Jericho was forced to leave them last and began to call out Jericho's sales pitch in his pubescent squeaky voice. "Roses, get your roses for your special lady!"

"Oy, Jericho!" I knew I was doomed. I had begun to agonize about who I was going to have to pretend I am Jericho to. Just as soon as I was turning my small body towards the voice, Jericho's voice finally whispered to me. _Don't worry, it's just Master Herondale. He is really good to me! _I froze. I was unsure if I was startled by the fact I was about to be approached by Will, or that Jericho's voice finally spoke to me while I was in his skin!

_Post Chapter_ _Author's Note: The character Jericho is modeled after a good friend of mine that passed in January of this year. Jericho, may you rest in peace my sweet friend._


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_Okay, let's pick up at when I was Jericho. Roses in my arms. Will had just snuck up on me… Don't make those eyes at me, I know Jericho is your favorite in this story._

I was frozen mid turn. My breath had hitched, and I had become more aware of the ache in my heart.

_Oh, I see. You love him. Well, don't make it awkward, Miss, while you're being me. I am still a lad and prefer to not confuse Master Herondale by making love sick eyes at him. _

I informed Jericho we would be out of this in a pinch, if he would only assist me.

_I think it would do a disservice to you, Miss, by taking over control. I'll whisper to ya, but you owe Master Herondale more than that._

I did not have the time to explain everything to Jericho to convince him of the well needed support. "Master Herondale, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

_I wish you would have asked first. He wants-_

"You silly dolt. The roses. I came to cancel the order I made with you yesterday…" Will glanced at my small limbs supporting limp, but not dead, roses. He eyed me with sadness but didn't break his charade of being okay. "Looks like that was for the best, Jericho. Those roses have seen better days. Did Nicholas give you that sorry lot to sell or did something happen?"

_Don't say anything. You will blow your cover, and Master Herondale is always looking for a reason to beat Nicholas to a bloody pulp. I would like to see that…but, I need the brute for my lively hood. Say nothing, please Miss._

I heeded Jerchio's words and divulged nothing. "Just a sorry lot, Master Herondale. They say the last bird up gets no worms, and I got sorry roses. My fault for sleeping in, you see. I am out of coin for your refund as I have yet to have made any sales. Can you come back later?"

Will's delay to answer allowed me to be consumed in my own thoughts for that moment. I am not sure what strange magic it was, probably none, but being emerged in Jericho's character in that moment helped suppress my real Tessa feelings towards Will. His beautiful midnight blue eyes didn't have their usual hold over me in that conversation. I could not lie to myself though, on some level I was curious to know how he was feeling. His demeanor towards Jericho made it the most likely conclusion that no one knew yet I had left the Institute. Or maybe, he just didn't care? That single thought alarmed me and caused me to thoughtlessly ask, "Why don't you need the roses anymore, Master Herondale?"

His eyes shifted colors and seemed to darken to that of the sky before the thunder roars and the lightning strikes. His expression changed from the façade to authentic. He was in anguish. It was written all over his face. I knew Will wasn't really going to answer my question, but his face reassured me that he did care. I reprimanded myself for my selfish question that I hoped would illicit that very response.

_Now why would you go on and ask that, Miss? That was just cruel. _

I responded to Jericho that he was right, and I hated myself for putting Will through that to satisfy my belief that I was truly loved by him and doing the right thing by leaving. It seemed that crushing him the night before was not enough, and I had started to tear up at my thoughtlessness towards his feelings. I was in the middle of sacrificing my role in their lives for him and Jem, and I pulled this stunt before I left? Good riddance I was abandoning them, they deserved to love someone so much better than myself.

I had to _will _myself to not shed a single tear that was welling up in Jericho's bright green eyes. I had cleared my throat and squeaked ashamedly, "Sorry, Master Herondale. It is none of my business and it was careless of myself to even ask." I looked at my shoes- my Tessa shoes that were too big on Jericho's feet. I didn't dare to resume looking at Will's pain-stricken face.

I heard Will take a deep breath and to my astonishment, he answered my question. "All is not fair in love and war, and I have bowed out. The lady doth not return my feelings. That is all that needs to be said. Do not worry about the refund, pocket it. I do not mind, truly." The brewing storm seemed to dissipate in his eyes, and he offered me a sad smile. A smile that was forced but out of courtesy of the recipient.

I felt I owed him more in that moment. I didn't even acknowledge him in my letter. I just lumped him in with everyone aside from Jem, who I addressed a personal goodbye to. I was wondering if I could say anything that could be of comfort to him. Anything that could ease my guilty conscious.

"To love and lost, is better to never have loved at all, right? I cannot imagine the lady who could turn you down with your handsome mug, but don't let it bow you out of love forever. If she couldn't return your feelings, she didn't deserve them. Letting her go will be better for ya heart, Master Herondale. Let go of, Tessa."

_Is that your name? Master Herondale has never mentioned it to me. Not to alarm you, but that may be a dead giveaway that something is off. _

Jericho's keen insight had caused my body to stiffen. What a fool I had been! I referenced myself without thinking that was a obvious DO NOT DO.

"How do you know I am speaking of Tessa?" Will eyed me sharply with a stern expression.

I fearfully asked myself how I would explain my way out of this situation?


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

_I know I said I wouldn't…but I will get you out of this pinch, Miss Tessa. Just this once. _I was overcome with relief when I heard Jericho volunteer to save me. I did not deserve it, but it was not me who he was really sparing in the end...or so I believed.

"Awhile back, I stumbled upon ya when Master Jem and a lady rescued you while you were tripping on some drug. They left you leaning on a building while in the middle of a private discussion. I was surprised when I found out the incoherent man was you, Master Herondale. I went to check on ya when they were not looking, and you mistook me for a Tessa. You were confessing to her. I am sorry I overheard this, Master Herondale." Jericho wove a beautiful story to Will that was mixed with truths and lies from both of our memories. Will was none the wiser since he had no recollections of what events actually transpired that evening. He accepted it was true. I could not fathom what other explanation he could come up with that would explain it in another way. I was saved. Jericho sensed my gratitude and although he did not say your welcome, I felt as if I was enveloped in a warm hug when his voice finally disappeared completely from my consciousness.

Will nodded to me and said, "Oh right, of course. Sorry for coming off so intense when you mentioned her name. It caught me off guard." I threw a sheepish smile of forgiveness at Will and his lips curled up into a small smile in return. "I'll leave you to it Jericho and catch you another time. Be well."

"You as well, Master Herondale." I truly meant my final farewell to Will. I would have to live with that be satisfying enough. The note I left. That interaction. That was me completely removing myself from their lives. Tears had begun to well up in my eyes and I stared at my hair in disbelief. Jericho's soft blonde curls had reverted back to my brown, thick hair. My body was shifting, not at will, to my own self. I dropped the roses in my arm and bolted to the nearest alleyway.

It was in that alleyway where the dumb luck of my short-lived survival ended. I was hunched over my knees in pants too short and a shirt too tight fighting tears, when I heard the whirling of the gears. An automaton was approaching me from the dark side of the alleyway. I whipped out the knife I had guarded between my cleavage since I first stole it from the Institute. Wrapped around that knife was the chain of my clock work angel. I slid the chain down the shaft of the knife and whipped it around my neck. The knife went into my right hand and I shifted my feet to what I thought at the time was a battle stance. The training I had been provided I felt could have been adequate enough to give the odds 2:1 I would not be captured.

The fight was miserable. I was rather weak then. Most of my energy was spent dodging capture. I was not fast compared to a shadow hunter. I had no runes to amplify any of my abilities. Then again, it sparked in me that a shadow hunter could not do what I was capable of. I was going to attempt to pull of an impossible task for me during those early days. With my knife wielding skills rendered useless in the battle, I pulled out an ace up my sleeve to save me from my fatigue being my downfall in battle.

Earlier that day when I was in Jericho's memories, I caught glimpses of the strong affection Jericho had for a "pet" names Bickers. I pulled to that moment and that fuzzy, gray rat. I grasped every fiber in my body and forced a change that seemed unnatural. My arms and legs shrank, and fur sprouted all over my body. My eye level dropped to the ground and I was out of the grasp of the automaton. It whirled around looking for my presence as I scurried to a hole in the building wall I noticed in the midst of battle. I was so close to escaping until my path was blocked. The automaton found me and picked up my little good for nothing rat body by the tail. I squeaked in protest and found that my body was filling out back to Tessa. The sudden changes that day were on the verge of giving me whip lash. When my rat tail disappeared from the automaton's hand, my _naked_ body thumped on the dirt. I quickly grabbed my knife next to my clothes and stabbed the automaton in the exposed area of its neck during its confused state. Black ink spurted everywhere, including my naked body. I used this one change as a lesson about _really _thinking through clothes and shifting location when I would change. It was a rough lesson to learn. I rocked my head to my left and right and redressed. I was relieved to have narrowly escaped. I slid the clockwork angel back on my neck where it belonged and tucked my knife in my pants. Switching knife locations, while seemingly comfortable at the time, resulted in a big mistake.

I knew I needed to get back out to the streets. Being in the public eye would give me a hiding place until a found a better mark to switch to. I was sure to find someone of equal stature to avoid any need for clothes modifications again.

I almost reached the end of the alleyway and the beginning of the street when two more automatons blocked my exit. I groaned to myself at the unfairness of the situation. They were closer to me than I wanted them to be. I had to be swift with my first attack. As they rushed me, I reached for the knife in between my cleavage. It was not there. When I realized my mistake, it was too late. They seized my hand before I could shove it in my pants to retrieve the knife. Now, could I have really defended myself from them both if I had retrieved it in time? Who knows? I don't care to speculate about that stuff at this point in my life.

My body's flight or fight response finally gave up. I succumbed to my fatigue and let the automatons take me away.

When I woke up, I did not like where I was. I found myself in a windowless prison- well a room. A door mocked me that I could never reach, and I was wearing clothes that were not mine. He was there of course, watching me take in my new surroundings. I had failed the shadow hunters. Mortmain had captured me after all, and I had let him.

"I have been watching you since you left the Institute, you know. I have been kept up to date on your independence seeking adventure the whole way through. It was quite pathetic, but I admire your gumption. I was a little nervous when you came across that wretched shadow hunter, William Herondale. _That idiot couldn't even tell it was you._ Isn't he supposed to have some undying love for you? It was amusing to hear about your performance. I would have recognized you though. You are my creation after all, my lovely Tessa." Mortmain's sinister words made my skin crawl and stomach flip. I had doomed all I loved because I thought I was saving Jem and Will's hearts.

_What a cliff hanger, right my darling? This is where it really starts getting good. I am about to have a turning point to becoming who I was meant to be. Good night, my little Angel._


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 **

Listening to Mortmain's story of my origin involuntarily put my emotions on a roller-coaster. At different points my blood was boiling, my body shook in fear, and my heart ached of sorrow. Unbeknown to all at the Institute, I was in fact Mortmain's repulsive creation. When he called me his "Clockwork Princess", I wanted to hurl. I was a mutt that did not belong to the world of shadow hunters or demons. I was an abomination to the order of the world of good versus evil. What was worse was that I had given Mortmain what he needed to pull off his plan after I allowed myself to be naively tricked into changing into his father.

Mortmain's automaton army was now capable of being a real threat. Their sole existence was to destroy _all_ shadow hunters. I had allowed that to be possible. I felt so angry I was even born. If I did not exist, all those I loved would not be in the danger I had placed them in. However, I didn't allow myself to feel self-pity for long. The most important part for myself in that moment was to figure out my next step forward. It was up to me to find out how to reverse the doom I had created.

My personal possessions in that prison did not bolster my confidence. An oversized black satin dress, bare feet, and a clockwork angel. The odds of beating Mortmain, let alone escaping, were not in my favor. I fought off the urge to let my mind wonder if Jem and Will would come to save me. It was improbable and useless to dwell on. Time, which was essential and dwindling, would be better off spent on productive thoughts and not living in a fantasy.

Unfortunately, I was not left alone by Mortmain long enough with my thoughts to bring forth a plausible "Mortmain End Game" plan. Mortmain relished in taking me so soon after our first chat to a nearby town. I was forced to watch the slaughter of innocents by the automaton army. Trying to shut my eyes or look away from the carnage was not an option. Mortmain threatened to extend the time of the automaton's practice run, if I didn't watch it from start to finish. I knew he was serious. With a brave face masking my internal horror, I observed every life lost in front of me with the knowledge I was the one that doomed them.

Her death, his death, that child, that family, those siblings, those grandparents' and so on. I had tattooed their faces in my brain as I watched each one of them die. Their deaths would not be in vain. Mortmain would have to pay for all the blood on his hands, and I planned on being the one to collect it. All the pain and sadness that had been harbored in my body for so long had just become kindling for the fire being started within me. It was my sole purpose then to figure out how to release that fire and watch Mortmain and his automaton army burn to ashes.

When the bloodbath ceased, Mortmain _graciously _returned me to my prison. It was dark outside of my window and the room was cold, but my blood was on fire. The embers of it were coursing in my veins and demanding I take vengeance. I could not fathom how to release that fire from my body. It was sapping my energy. As I was trying to understand how to use that power within me, my body had collapsed on my bed from exhaustion.

When I woke up in the morning, I had recalled my dream where I met my real guardian angel, Ithuriel. Ithuriel was trapped inside my clockwork angel, bound to save my life when it was needed. It was unfair, but it was not for my concern at that moment; I needed to rekindle my flame. I made myself think of the innocents slaughtered in the town I didn't know the name of, the shadow hunters, my family at the Institute, Jem and Will. My desire to protect them reignited my burning passion for retribution.

It was perfect timing. Mortmain had just entered my room with a huge grin on his face. "My darling Tessa, guess where my automaton army is right now?" He repulsed me. I did not want to guess. I just wanted to know how I could rip out his dead eyes and sew his smarmy mouth shut.

"You are trying my patience. Answer me or phase two will occur in the next minute." Mortmain's annoyance was pleasing to me, but I did not want a phase two to transpire. I believed I could possibly prevent phase two from happening, if I could channel that rage in myself to do something productive. The perfect opportunity was in front of me with Mortmain being in my presence by himself. He had no protection. He thought of me as a pebble in his shoe for his overarching plan when it came to my ability to stop him. I would make sure that was his undoing.

"London," I barked at him.

"First up, they are greeting Consul Wayland and other council members at an impromptu meeting taking place." Mortmain's eyes beamed at me with joy. I was filled with disgust. "Secondly, or Phase two, the London Institute. Now in this part, those there who surrender will get to entertain themselves with you here in my home. Their other option is to die. I am hoping mentioning you in my possession will offer leverage for half of the lot to remain alive. It would be better off for our future plans, if they submitted to me as well." He chuckled to himself.

This was it. It was now or never. I had to do something or be burdened with a heavier death toll tied to my existence. I let my wrath drive me. I had trusted it to make something out of my worthless existence.

The angel Ithuriel was correct. His true form was a deadly glory. When the fire in my veins had reached the point of expulsion, it made me reach for my angel. I tapped into what I understood from my dream and took on the form of a blazing ball of light that would put the sun to shame. My body had shot up in height and crashed through the roof overhanging my prison. I heard Mortmain scream in disbelief at my appearance. Before he could exit through the door way, my flaming leg extinguished his life in one step. I prayed what he said was true. That his death would crumble his automaton army to no existence. If it were true, I had just accomplished my goal to protect everyone. But the burning of my body would not cease. My body had begun to writhe in pain from the heat after my desire of killing Mortmain could no longer mask the true pain of it all.

While some part of me wanted to see Jem and Will again, I felt my ending would be just. I let my body burn and I accepted my painful fate as I followed the bright light leading me somewhere distant.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The light I was following was blinding. I felt disoriented. I had no way of knowing where I was or where I would end up. I wasn't even sure what I was. I felt light but saw no shell of a body around my being. Perhaps I was a soul? It is all speculation at this point. The time that passed could have been seconds, hours or years. I had no way of measuring it. I was lost. I wanted to find my destination. During the journey I was lacking concentration in keeping my thoughts astray from Jem and Will. Wondering how their lives would turn out. I was relieved they would be safe, and Jem's life would not be cut even shorter due from a depleted supply of yin-fen.

I was finally set free from the strings that attached me to their world. I killed Mortmain and his army. Jem and Will could be happy as _parabatai_. I could be reunited with my mom and dad. All's well that ends well. Or so I thought.

_Tessa_. Someone was calling me. I yearned for it to be Will or Jem. If I could just hear one of their voices one last time, it would be more than enough. The pretense to myself was getting old. I knew who I deep down wanted it to be calling my name. I was about to call to him when I heard my name again. Louder. Like a command.

_Tessa._

The voice was not familiar, but the presence now associated with it I recognized.

"Ithuriel."

_Up until now, my mission has been to save you. _

"I know. Thank you. I am forever grateful you could keep me alive long enough until I was able to finish off Mortmain."

_You don't have to pass on._

"I do not understand. Am I not dead already?"

_Not quite. Your body is still fighting for life, but your soul is here, with me. _

"That's alright. I am ready to move on to the afterlife." My words were true and Ithuriel knew it.

_Nothing is set in stone. You don't have to live for Will or Jem. You could live for yourself and what you want. Find new happiness and a new family in the world._

"I already tried that and failed. I lasted a mere day before I was captured. How could I ever make it on my own?"

_Have courage. You could do it._

"Why does it seem like you want me to choose to return to the land of the living?"

_While I like the idea of saving you once again, I admit I have an ulterior motive._

"And what is that?"

_Jericho._

"What about Jericho?" I was confused. It was peculiar that a fleeting moment with Jericho in my life was something for Ithuriel to be focused on.

_He is a descendent of mine._

Now I was on the same page as Ithuriel. Sort of. I still had not completely comprehended how I fit into the picture.

_You prayed for an opportunity to help Jericho when you were able to, before you shifted into him. I am granting you the opportunity, with permission, to give you a second chance at life. _

Now everything had come full circle. I understood. I didn't need to live for myself, but to save Jericho from his current circumstances. It didn't take much thought for me then to accept Ithuriel's offer.

"I will do my best to help Jericho and lead him to a happy life."

_I could not ask for anything else. He is one of my favorite descendants. You will wake up soon. And when you do, Charlotte Fairchild will be by your side. Think carefully about what you want to tell her. Your conversation with her will impact your future going forward. I won't say goodbye because I'll be watching you. Until next time, Tessa._

My being was pulled back to my body. It was a rush that cannot be explained but only feared. Ithuriel was not wrong, Charlotte was in deed kneeling by my side when my eyes opened.

"Tessa! Thank the Angel you are okay. Let me help you up." I was ecstatic to see Charlotte but surprised she offered to help me up. I was in no state to move my body. But when I assessed myself, I looked fine. As if I didn't erupt into a giant angel burning ball of fire.

"Can I stay down here a little longer? Please tell me about how you got here and then I will share my side of it. But first, Jem and Will aren't coming, are they?!"

Charlotte shook her head. "I was instructed to come alone. Everyone back at the Institute thinks I am at the council meeting still and the council members think I am returning to the Institute. If they figured out I was not where they presumed, they would have no idea where to find me."

"Who instructed you?"

"The Angel Ithuriel. To get to the point Tessa, I crashed a meeting of the council I was not invited to and the scene I found was a bloody mess. Half the council had been wiped out, including Consul Wayland. The council members who were left detailed the surprise arrival of Mortmain's clockwork army. The fighting ceased spontaneously after a relentless battle and the automatons turned to ash and disappeared. Now your turn to fill me in."

I let what Charlotte told me sink in. I needed to align my thoughts and formulate what I wanted to say before I spoke. I owed her so much but could not give her all the information she desired to know. I didn't want to lie again, so I planned to omit unnecessary details. I told her snippets of the whole story. I was captured but would not detail how. I would not explain who my contact was that was supposed to shield me from Mortmain when I left the Institute. The important part was the I killed Mortmain and his army was gone. In hindsight, I gave her bare minimum. I was overly cautious.

"Will you come back to us now that the danger is gone?" Charlotte's question was laced with hope. I imagined she saw me as a daughter of her own. It truly pained me in that moment to refuse her.

"I meant what I said in my letter about wanting to avoid violence and chaos." I was back to lying. "I am appreciative of the time you gave me a place to live- a home. I desire to establish a new home now and make my own way." It took everything to not sit up and cry and beg her to let me come back.

"What about Jem? He was-" I immediately cut Charlotte off before it was too late. Before she said something I could not unhear.

"Please don't. I cannot bear to hear his reaction." Charlotte was caught off guard with my interruption, but she respected it by not revealing anything more about Jem. I could not bring myself to inquire after Jem or Will. It would strip away any strength I had left to stick to my difficult but necessary choice.

"I cannot pretend I understand your swift change in feelings toward us and our lifestyle, but I will respect it." Charlotte spoke sadly. Her downcast eyes and disappointed frown tugged at my heart strings.

"Please also do not tell anyone you came across me or that this conversation happened. It is better for everyone if I am already gone. Also, let this be the last time you speak of me. I want to be a distant memory for everyone as soon as possible." When I said anyone, Charlotte was not aware yet I specifically meant Jem and Will.

"I will agree to that but will ask you something in return then." I was intrigued Charlotte brought up wanting something in return. I nodded for her to continue.

"No one in the council will understand what exactly happened unless I give them some version of the events you have informed me of. I want your permission to tell a somewhat different account to preserve my spot at the Institute and keep my family together. The story would be in our favor for the future."

I weighed my options. At the time her condition seemed innocent. Little did I know the headache it would cause me down the road.

_Don't laugh. You know it's true. Alright, I find it funny too. Go to sleep sweetie, mommy will pick up the story tomorrow night for you._

**Author's Note:**

**Ugh this chapter was hard to write! When I first had the idea, it seemed great. But when writing this arc, it was difficult to figure out how I would get my story to align with the prologue's premise of what we know from "Clockwork Princess" is a lie. I don't even know if my explanation of everything between Tessa & Charlotte is that great or informative enough. I may fix it later but I cannot fixate on it now or this story will never finish. Also, I am sorry if anyone dislikes my lazy story telling in some areas. Such as where I omit details in big plot points similar to Clockwork Princess. I just feel it is a waste of my time to rehash events we are familiar with. If anything, I want to put a new twist on them with Tessa's POV. Well… two chapters to go. I think these last ones will be the best because we will get WILL AND JEM INTERACTIONS! Thank goodness! This is what I was building up to besides wanting Tessa to a be stronger female lead character. Alright, til next time! Please review if you have any feedback on where this is going or just read and enjoy. – Lalaland972**


	8. Chapter 7

**Edelie: **_ I feel the same wondering how Charlotte will spin her tale. Hopefully both you and I buy it! Thanks for the reviews, I needed the push/encouragement to just figure something out for this chapter and put words to paper [or Word Doc]. I agree my writing feels rushed too. I think since this was my first fanfic after a long absence I wasn't sure what I was doing. I also was writing most of the lead up chapters to rewrite the end because I was frustrated with how Clockwork Princess ended tbh. I wanted to give it any ending I preferred. SO yay for Fanfic for giving me that opportunity lol Anyways, I hope you continue to enjoy as we come to the close of this story :)_

_**Author's Note: **__Sorry this took forever to update. I struggled with what to write. I may edit later because I am still unsure of how pleased I am with this chapter... O_o_

* * *

**Chapter 7**

[_Three months late_r]

"Miss? Miss? Please wake up. You're having another nightmare again." _Sophie?! _My body shot up and I looked around the room for her presence.

"It's okay, Miss. Just another bad dream." I followed the soft voice and found Jericho's face within a short distance to the right of my bed. He was still laying on the brown tattered rug next to my bedside. I was called back to reality.

"Jericho…please, call me Tessa instead. Also, there is a bed in the next room you can use. Sleeping on that surface cannot be good for your back." I gently wiped my forehead with the back of my hand. I was astonished it was dripping in sweat despite the room temperature not warranting it. Then, I swept my index fingers under my eyes. _Tears or sweat? Better off not to dwell on it._

I opened the curtain covering the window by my bedside. The sun was barely bidding us good morning. It was the perfect time to begin our day.

"Don't worry, mi- I mean Tessa. Remember, I have slept in worse conditions. Before I wouldn't have so much space to myself! Also, I find it comforting knowing you are nearby." My heart swelled with relief that I was at least doing one thing right with this second lease on my immortal life. I leaned over the bedside and placed my head on Jericho's soft blonde curls.

"Let's get the day started then." I smiled tenderly at Jericho. He sprung to attention and ran out of the bedroom. His unyielding gratefulness never ceased to amaze me. Every day I woke up, I imagined he would be over it. But every day I was proven wrong.

Getting ready for the chores myself, I reminisced on all the changes that had occurred in the last three months. Charlotte kept true to her promise and I hadn't heard a peep from Jem, Will or anyone else from the Institute. On my journey from Mortmain's property, I was nearly dying from starvation when I came across a tattered handkerchief hanging on a tree branch. As a last-ditch effort, I tapped into the owner and found myself connected to a 71-year-old woman named Greta. Upon earning her trust, she led me to her abandoned house, a mile off from where I was, that was left to deteriorate after her death. With no children to inherit her property, I promised to restore the house and take care of it. In exchange, she steered me to her treasured possessions. Between the gold and jewelry she had, I was able to buy enough live stock to create a self-sustaining home. When my new home was viable, I set off to collect Jericho from London. I was not proud that I bought his freedom from Nicholas; I would have preferred beating him up to a bloody pulp. But, I didn't need to cause a ruckus in the territory of Jem and Will. It was not worth the risk.

At first, Jericho didn't trust me. Eventually, he learned I had no intent of harm towards him and he started warming up to me immensely. Taking care of him gave me purpose and aided me in putting on my pants, _yes pants_, one leg at a time before I began each work day in the field. We lived a simple, but meaningful life.

When I finished washing my face in the bathroom, I assessed it for the first time in so long. The roundness once hinted in my oval face had thinned out. Not from lack of eating as of late, but I assumed it was due to my body maturing. My boyish figure was finally filling out. I was becoming a woman. I laughed at the thought. Becoming more attractive meant nothing with no one to admire it. It was just a hindrance. I brushed my brown hair and neatly braided it behind my head and out of my face.

I walked out of the bathroom and to the front door of the cottage. After I opened it I said, "Jericho! Will you bring the eggs in so I can start breakfast?" My eyes swept in front of the grass and fields in front of me. No Jericho. "Jericho!" Panic was beginning to onset. I frantically started walking around the cottage hoping to set eyes on Jericho.

"Jericho!" I yelled again.

"Miss Tessa! We have a visitor; I was showing him our cow. He is a friend." I heard Jericho's squeaky voice as he rounded the corner. _Jem! _Seeing the familiar handsome face with matching silver hair and eyes was a devastating blow to my heart. I would not let my heart though dictate my interactions with my ex-fiancé.

I patiently waited for them to stroll over to me. The seconds dragged on like minutes with their approach. The closer Jem drew to me, the more obvious it was that his condition had worsened since I had last seen him. His paleness was nothing new, but his body looked thinner, less able. It was almost as if every step he was taking towards me was a struggle he was trying to hide. _Why is he here!? He should not be traveling in this condition! _

"Jericho, can you take the eggs inside and get breakfast started, like I showed you?" Jericho disappointedly looked from Jem to the basket of eggs tucked in the crook of his right elbow.

Jericho sighed before asking, "Can he stay for breakfast?" I nodded to him and Jericho happily went inside. I nervously recounted the last time I let him make breakfast by himself…the clean up was dreadfully long for not getting to eat a spoiled meal. I prayed this time it would be better. With Jericho finally out of earshot, I looked down at my feet. Embarrassment crept up inside me that Jem was seeing me in men's clothing on another occasion. I gave up fancy dresses with my new life. And I should have not had anything to be embarrassed about, Jem was not longer my fiancé.

Jem hesitated before he took a step toward me. He breathlessly murmured my name as he outstretched his left hand to touch my cheek. He retracted it immediately when I jerked my face away from receiving his touch. I rejected him. The awkward air between us was unprecedent.

"I am sorry. I have no right to be so familiar with you. We are not engaged anymore…" Jem tucked his hands in his pants and turned his face away from me. His face was directed to the green pastures ahead of us. My land. My new life.

"How can I help you, Jem?" My voice was cold. It took a great sense of will power to talk to him in such a way, but I needed him to leave as soon as possible. His presence was a disturbance on the normalcy I was attempting to establish in my new life.

"Can you at least tell me the truth? Am I not owed that much before I die?" Jem always confessed he did not have a way with words, yet he so easily knew how to assault my heart with his quest for the truth. _It would do him no good to know the truth._ I wrung the end of my shirt with my hands. Internally debating if I give in to him or not. I pleaded internally with fate to intervene and have Jericho call to us that breakfast was ready. I needed more time.

"Will and I know. About each other's feelings. We talked soon after it was discovered you left. You had to know we would figure it out, right?" Jem turned back to face me, but I bent my head down to avert his gaze just in time.

"I meant what I said in my letter." The words barely slipped from my mouth. I hated the lies. _But what good would the truth do us now?_ Choosing neither was what I wanted.

"I would have chosen to go with you to lead the life you wanted if you but asked me to." _Harden your heart, Tessa. This is not the time to cry. His words will only mean everything to you, IF you give them the power to._

"I covered that in my letter. It would have not been right for me to ask you to withdraw from your family and lose your relationship with Will." The emotionless in my tone of voice was not lost on Jem. My indifference was beginning to not be tolerated with him. As it should not have been. _Please go now, Jem. Think the worst of me and leave._

"I told you before YOU are my family. With that commitment and promise, I was choosing you. **Over everything**." His voice was quaking in anger at the end of his words.

"Was. I broke the engagement. Go Jem. We need not relive this part of our lives. Live out the rest of your days with your family at the London Institute. I wish you well, James Carstairs. Go home now. I'll tell Jericho you couldn't stay for breakfast after all."

Jem rose his arms to tightly grip both of my shoulders. "Why are you acting like I am nothing to you? Did you not love me, once?" His words shattered my walls. My strength. My resilience. One by one the tears leaked from my eyes in shame.

The dark expression on my Jem's face swiftly was erased with no traces of contempt left behind as my tears took hold of him. He pulled me in his arms and whispered my name over and over in my ears. Each time he said it, it was another confession of his love. He slowly backed his face away from my neck and stopped to lock on my eyes. He knew his search was over. His beloved Tessa was back. He compassionately wiped my tears and kissed my cheeks.

His face faltered as he contemplated his next move. He wanted permission I had not granted. To bring his lips to mine. A touch that was so coveted between romantic partners and we were not that anymore. My heart beat faster as I nodded to him and without any more hesitation, he crushed his lips on my own. Astonishment took hold of me at the despair I forgot how a kiss from Jem could be my undoing. His love filled my heart with hope and desire for more. And I was undeserving of it. I quickly pushed Jem away with this thought at the forefront of my mind. What we were doing was not right.

"I love you, Jem. I do. I really love you. But if I was the reason you gave up so much, I would not be able to live with myself. The guilt would eat away at me in our time together. Then that time would be tainted and unworthy of how you should spend it. Please know I love you, but you must go. I have a new life here. I have no need to fear Mortmain. I will be happy knowing you will spend your life at the London Institute."

"Will…I understand your choice. I guess no one gets what they want in the end." I shook my head at Jem as another tear slipped from my left eye.

"How did you find me?" I asked him. _Did Charlotte hint at where she last left me?_

"I had a dream about this place. And you being here. I was being guided by some light." _Ithuriel! _

"You came by yourself though, why?"

"Selfishness. And closure I suppose. I knew if I found you, I was not ignorant to the fact that the outcome would most likely not be positive. But I wanted to see you one last time, Tessa. How you left…nearly broke me. And then you save us all? Charlotte didn't divulge much about what transpired, just enough to shut us all up." Jem took my hand in his. It was as easy as breathing. Returning to his touch. Being by his side.

"Tessa, Master Carstairs! Eggs are ready!" Jericho shouted enthusiastically through the kitchen window.

Jem drew my hand to his lips and traced a kiss over my hand. "You…will be in my heart until the end. And please, keep this, I intend for only you to possess it." I grabbed the necklace he gave me to seal our engagement and drew it to my heart. I was too selfish to refuse and insist I didn't deserve it. "I love you, Tessa." Jem turned away and began to head down the dirt path leading away from my home.

"Jem!" He quickly turned around as I beckoned him. I pulled the necklace in the air and drew my hands behind my neck to clasp it in its rightful place. "I will always love you." Jem let his lip gently turn up before he returned to take his leave. I hadn't asked if he would tell Will or anyone else at the London Institute he found me. He took it as a private moment just between us. _Maybe on his deathbed he will confess the truth? _The mere thought of his looming death caused my knees to wobble. My world was unsteady. Despite it, I took steps forward to the kitchen to join Jericho for breakfast. My future. I had to leave Jem and the rest in my past.

* * *

**Author's Note:** _Next chapter or the Epilogue will explain what Charlotte's cover story was/how it pertains to the Prologue. Hopefully I can sell it. I am doubting it right now. Took on more than I could chew with the original plot hahaha – Lalaland972_


	9. Chapter 8

_**Edelie: **__Definitely a crushing chapter for Jem:( __I am glad you enjoyed Ch 7! Another emotional one now on deck! :O_

_**Skybell1272:**__ I know, poor Jem :( __ I still have the Epilogue to follow this. So it is not over just yet! I may do another Clockwork story in the future… I have no idea at the moment what it would be about though!_

_**Author's Note: **__I suggest holding on a real opinion until you read the Epilogue. If you find it displeasing, I will read comments and consider revising. Thank you reading, beautiful peeps! _

**Chapter 8**

Six months had passed since Jem's visit when Will found me. He, like Jem, walked onto my property to seek me out. Jericho was not around to act as a buffer for that occurrence.

I was plowing the fields for next year's harvest when Will stood in my line of vision. Down the row of untilled soil I was working on, there he stood. In all his splendor. Observing me. Carefully assessing my solemn strength in guiding my black horse, Juliet, down the row. 100 feet separated us. Then 50 feet. When Juliet and I were ten feet away from Will, I took hold of her reigns to cease her movement. I did not dare to lead her any closer. She was my barrier from Will with Jericho's absence in that moment.

I waited. I wanted to hear it from Will. He had come to tell me Jem had passed away. I brushed Juliet's soft coat with my fingertips, admiring its beauty while I waited for Will to say something. Anything. Instead of just looking at me like I was a ghost or a figment of his imagination.

"Tessa?" He spoke name in a question. I couldn't gage what he was asking. If I was real or maybe why I was not saying anything to him. Any outside observer's guess would have been as good as my own. I stopped focusing on Juliet and gave Will my full attention.

"Yes, it is me, Will." His blue eyes danced with hope despite the grief they held. I just wanted him to spit it out already. I decided it was time to steer the conversation myself.

"Are you here with news of Jem?" I asked Will quietly. He sucked in a sharp intake of air as he composed himself. I too was bracing myself for the news.

"Yes...he is not dead though Tessa. He is a Silent Brother now." _WHAT?! _I instinctively reached for the pendant hanging under my work shirt and smoothed it over with my thumb and index finger. _Jem was alive._ My world was back on its axis after being off kilter for too long. The knowledge that Jem would live made my heart beat wildly. In my joy, I lost my composure. I rushed forward into Will's arms to celebrate with the only other person in the world who would be relieved to the same extent as I was that Jem was saved. Not in the way we had hoped for, but he would live. That was all that mattered to me in that moment.

Will hesitated at first. But within a few seconds, he too clung on to me to celebrate the joy of our friend being saved. _Why did he look so sad though? Oh! I am sure it must be hard to be without his parabati..._

When the surge of joy mellowed out, I came to realize my improper behavior and released myself from Will's embrace. I looked up at Will. He was gorgeous as ever. My heart always fluttered when I gazed upon his face. His beauty was not why I came to love him though in the first place.

"Thank you for sharing that with me. I know it's not how we wished Jem to live on, but I take solace in that his life hasn't been cut short." I smiled at Will. He did not return my smile. He was contemplating his next words. I could read it all over his face. That had troubled me.

"Tessa, are you not curious as to know how I know where you are?" Will asked his question delicately. I could tell he thought over each word he spoke carefully.

"I assume Jem told you before turning into a Silent Brother." That was the only logical conclusion I could make. Unless Ithuriel was attempting to play matchmaker again.

"Yes. Do you care to know why?"

"To tell me this news of course," I simply stated to Will. Something was brushing my neck after I spoke. Juliet had come to crash the reunion. Her wet nostrils nuzzled my neck. I returned my attention to her and pilfered a carrot from the satchel on my waist to feed her.

I looked at Will again while she was chomping away on the carrot. He looked displeased I was not giving him my full attention in this moment. I shrugged at him and he sighed before continuing.

"Yes. That was not the only thing we spoke of. Jem gave me _his blessing_. To pursue you. I know you felt something for me before and I pushed you away. Of course, you know now why I had to do that. I am hoping with time you can allow me to court you and give me a chance." Will's declaration was almost not surprising. Passing me over as if I was Jem's to give away was a very Jem thing to do. I belonged to no one though.

"I want the life I have here, Will." I spoke the truth. Trying to avoid any more conversations of love with one of the two _parabati_.

"I figured as much. When Jem described this place and the truth of what you said in the note you left, I understood what I would have to give up to be with you. I make that choice today and every day. Over and over again to be with you, Tessa." Will's words were beautiful to me. As expected from a man who read so much and believed he knew my heart like he knew his own. The words in the letters he read addressed to my brother were of a girl from a different time. That was the Tessa he fell in love with. I was no longer that Tessa.

"What about Cecily, Charlotte, and Jem? You would be forsaking them all to be with me." Will stepped forward to me.

"I know. For you, I would give up everything. Even to be damned forever." I doubted he understood the weight of his words. What eternal damnation really meant.

"Become a vampire. Be with me forever." My tone was serious. I was testing his resolve. If his poetic words were heresy or truth.

Will was stunned at my bold request. He was mulling it over when I stopped his thought process.

"No, Will. Of course, I wouldn't let you do that. You and Jem will find each other in your next lives. Only I should be the one damned with immortality between the three of us. I am part demon after all." I meant every word I said. They were the two that belonged together in the end. Not Tessa and Jem. Not Tessa and Will. But Will and Jem.

I returned my gaze to Juliet. Her break needed to be over. We had a lot more work to do and sunlight could not be wasted.

"Will, please return to the London Institute. Lead your life with your family there. With Cecily. Be in contact with Jem when allowed. I will eventually become a long-forgotten memory in your history. A small span of time where our paths overlapped, nothing more."

"Is it still only Jem you love?" Will asked wistfully.

"Yes," I lied. "I am sorry, you never stood a chance. Please be happy, Will. You and Jem both. This is the final fork in the road where our paths diverge." I closed the distance between us and kissed him on the lips. It was soft and chaste. Nothing like the previous passionate kisses we had once shared. Where lust and desire ruled them. This kiss was full of hope and good wishes. An innocent farewell to the first boy I loved with midnight black hair and blue eyes that held the ocean.

"Tessa, be happy. I wish you the best. And for the last time, I love you. _I always will_." I doubted he always would, arrogantly in that moment. I believed he would find another and move on. I would eventually learn how wrong I was in my assumption.

…

[3 years past]

My only connection to the world I abandoned when I left the London Institute was the Shadow Market. I rarely visited but took Magnus's advice to venture a visit every now and then. That advice came on the only time that our paths crossed since my departure from London. He stopped by the cottage and offered me his companionship in the future when time passing became burdensome. He strongly hinted he was referring to after my dear friend Jericho died. Jericho was a mortal after all. That conversation occurred sometime after both Jem and Will's visit.

At first at the market, I only heard tiny whispers when I walked around in another's skin. Eventually, I stumbled upon the circulated rumors that involved Jem, Will and the London Institute's Fate. It was a preposterous story. Tessa Grey and Will Herondale got married. Will abandoned his life with the Nephilim. Jem Carstairs became a Silent Brother. Well, that was the only true part of the story. The topic was of worth to Downworlders because they detested these two specific shadow hunters and the grievances and death that trailed them. In their absence, the Downworlders thrived on gossip on that became of the two troublesome Nephilim.

The London Institute was another subject matter for chatter due to Charlotte's rise to becoming Consul after her successful take down of Mortmain. According to the last faerie's conversation I overheard, Charlotte led the charge to confront Mortmain with her shadow hunters, silent brothers, and positioned the shapeshifter to deal the killing blow to Mortmain. Every time I heard more details of Charlotte's concocted lie, I felt a wound festering in my heart.

My third return trip to the Shadow Market, was a trip I wished I never made. In the time I spent browsing the different sales and uncommon goods on display, I felt eyes watching me. I was careful with my movements. The disguise I adorned should have blended in enough to my surroundings but not made me stand out. The presence observing me had not passed, so I decided to face it head on. Jericho was always aware of the backup plan if I never returned from a planned trip to the Shadow Market.

I gripped the knife under the hilt of my belt and swiftly turned my body to face the danger.

"Jem!" I exclaimed breathlessly in the low tenor voice of the warlock I had become. The hood of his ensemble could not hide the silver hair and eyes I saw in too many dreams.

"It is good. But I passed him 10 minutes ago when he left the market." Jem's voice was somber. It held no affection or an inflection of emotion after not seeing me in so long. I observed first hand that becoming a Silent Brother really did steal his humanity. But I reminded myself to be grateful he was still alive.

"I am on official business while here, but I think we should chat. There is something you should know." I could not dare to imagine what further business Jem would have with me. But I followed him where he led. He strolled past the entrance of the Shadow Market a good distance before stopping. He then slowly assessed my aesthetic. I believed he was waiting on me to change back into my original form.

I quickly released my skin into Tessa Gray. Jem's mouth almost hinted at a smile when I was myself again. It could have been a trick of the light though. From what I understood at the time, Silent Brother's did not have emotions.

In our ensuing conversation, Jem stole away what humanity I had left. He informed me that Charlotte spun the tale of Will turning away from the shadow hunter ways to marry and be with me because…he was dead. Charlotte wanted to protect Cecily and believed that although it would be hard for Cecily, she could eventually cope with being happy for her brother. In reality, Will died in a battle with a demon. What Jem was told, Will was so distraught after I rejected him that he aimlessly went into reckless battles with demons and eventually got himself killed.

As soon as I could, I broke away from Jem and returned home. Once I was in my bed, I let the grief overcome me. I mourned Will's life. I loathed myself. I sent Will and Jem down treacherous paths. Despite Jem insisting it was not my fault in the conversation we shared, we both knew it was. Jem even attempted to fault himself to say in his dying hour he should not have told Will about me and my whereabouts. There was some small part of him at that time that selfishly desired to test if I would seek comfort in Will after he was removed from the equation. He regretted that decision.

Jericho calling my name soon after he arrived at the house brought me from my darkness. He was a reminder that there was more to my life and love to offer then Jem and Will. I let Jericho hold me as I grieved Will.

With time, I realized my ability to keep afloat in the wake of the aftermath of denying my two "great loves" rested on taking care of Jericho and his descendants.

Over the years the lie I once hated worked to my benefit. It put a happy spin on a story that was actually a tragedy. The tale of Tessa Gray saving her friends and family, ending up with Will and then Jem. The legend it became that only had hints of truth, was a beautiful way for the three of them to be remembered. I rather liked it more and more as time went on.

Over a century had passed before I crossed paths with Jem again. I hardly recognized him in his human for. He caught my attention and shyly informed me that a cure was found. He admitted he struggled to even dare attempt to find me after he changed back. He barely knew if he wanted his humanity back anymore but decided to embrace it for Will. Before we parted ways for our final time in each other's presence, he grappled to tell me something. In the end, he couldn't bring himself to do it. I also made the decision not to push for it. We bid each other farewell.

_Don't worry. That is just the last chapter, sweetie. Mommy will finish with the Epilogue tomorrow night before you go to bed. Then for the 10__th__ time you will have heard this story in its entirety. The "True Confessions of the Clockwork Princess". Good night, my angel._


	10. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

[Three Centuries Later]

"It's not very often we get to enjoy nature in its raw form, is it Jericho?" The young boy with sandy blonde curly hair looked up at me, shaking his head as he raised his arms in the air. He desired for me to hold him. He always wanted to be held by me since I adopted him. Not all of Jericho's line of descendants were cherished by me, some were real brats or evil incarnates. But this Jericho now in my arms, he reminded me of the very first one since I had taken him in.

I walked us to the top of the hill, feeling the full weight of Jericho's 35-pound body in my arms. My biceps were burning and about to give out when we reached the top of the hill. Surrounding us entirely was one of the last parks in London, preserving nature in all its natural form from the 21st century. It was a sight to behold. One I had missed over the years with progress, industrialization, and technology advancement.

I gently set Jericho down on the lush green grass before I sat down next to him. I twisted the fine blades of grass between my fingers. Attempting to memorize the feel in case it was too wiped out one day. Jericho began to roll around in the grass as care free as any boy of age three should be. The smile on my face kept growing as I recalled that happiness is here and now. And I always latched onto any joy in my one life.

My attention was suddenly drawn to something I never dreamed of seeing again. My focus darted from Jericho's tumbling body to two male forms off in the distance. A man with black hair and the other with brown hair. They too were laughing as they strolled by in the distance. I felt my stomach twist and my body take root in the ground as I recognized them.

I would recognize them anywhere.

In any life.

_Jem and Will._

I shook off my fear and asked Jericho to come with me if he could be quiet for a few minutes. I shifted into an old woman, a favorite disguise of mine I picked up a century ago, and took Jericho's in my arms once again. I picked up our pace to catch up to a decent distance behind Jem and Will. Enough to catch their conversation.

In the next ten minutes, I had learned what I had always hoped for. Their next life would be of good fortune and not be tainted with the tragedies that befell them in their previous life. As young men now, they looked content in this life. From the snippets I could discern from their conversation, they were happy and okay. This time, I silently promised to them that I, Tessa Gray, would not be a burden to their friendship. Perhaps I could watch their friendship flourish from afar or maybe just leave them in peace from this point on. I would think on it.

I felt Jericho tug the collar my shirt and I knew he was ready to be put down. I set him on the ground and we retraced our steps back to the hill. For once, I felt inspired to tell the truth after all these years. To provide to one person, even just a young child, the account of what really happened. The true confessions of the clockwork princess.

It would be a story of love. Sadness. Growth. Strength. Redemption. Forgiveness. But most of all, it would be _my story_.

_**Author's Note:**__ It is bitter-sweet to end this story. It was what first inspired me to come back to FanFic after a decade. I wanted to write an ending I preferred for Will/Tessa/Jem. I wanted to see Tessa as a stronger female lead and thought it was kind of crummy she only got Will and Jem for a human lifetime each while she had to live forever. Just a personal opinion, but I thought it was selfish of each of them to get their whole human life with her and just expect her to go on forever. That is why in the last chapter I made her challenge Will for a brief second to become a vampire to be with her forever. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoyed the trilogy though! _

_I may come back and edit this one day. My writing has improved since I started this, and I feel I could do a lot better with plot development/detail/etc. But I also like the idea of leaving my first Fic as it is to preserve my growth in writing to look back on. Thanks all who joined me on this adventure. It is not the best story, but I like it myself. -Lalaland972_


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